It has now been just over a year since I moved to Birmingham. My life here has taken on new meaning as I understand the statement, wherever you are, BE there. I haven't BEEN here the past year. I've been wherever I intend on being after I leave Birmingham. I have found this is no way to live. I'm wasting my life in tomorrow when I'm never guaranteed that.
I'm here now. Let the games begin.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
Dear Sir
Dear Sir,
I always asserted that nothing bad could happen to me. I'm WAY too guarded and too smart to put myself in a situation where I could be taken advantage of. When my mother told me that I shouldn't do this or that because it could be unsafe, I'd scoff at her and inform her that there was no way I'd be stupid enough to find myself in an unsafe situation...that I don't spend time alone with people that I don't trust. You proved me wrong, sir. You appeared to be someone I could trust, so I did. Little did I know you were calculating and manipulative. Little did I know that to you, I was an object, one that could be formed into whatever you wanted. Little did I know how disgusting you are.
Thank you, for teaching me never to disregard my mother's words, ever again.
However, you took things from me that I can't ever get back. You hurt me physically and mentally in ways I thought could never occur in my life. You made me ashamed of myself. You took advantage of the fact that I trusted you enough to be my friend. There are no amount of words that can express to you the sleepless nights you have caused or the questioning you have allowed Satan to place in my heart. You had the GALL to act as though nothing you did was wrong and then a month later to say that you knew what you did and that it was "not cool," which is the worst kind of understatement.
This isn't a second chance kind of opportunity for you, sir...and how dare you ask. You never had a first chance given...you took it. Stay away from me.
Sincerely,
Leah
Lord, help me to forgive as You forgive...remind me that even though I have hatred in my heart, You do not and You love him despite the things he has done. Help me to move on, as I know I will never, ever forget.
Friends, I realize this post is mostly frightening to you as you imagine what I might have gone through. Know that I'm okay, God is in control, and even though bad things happen, I'm His child. I'll be okay. Know that.
I always asserted that nothing bad could happen to me. I'm WAY too guarded and too smart to put myself in a situation where I could be taken advantage of. When my mother told me that I shouldn't do this or that because it could be unsafe, I'd scoff at her and inform her that there was no way I'd be stupid enough to find myself in an unsafe situation...that I don't spend time alone with people that I don't trust. You proved me wrong, sir. You appeared to be someone I could trust, so I did. Little did I know you were calculating and manipulative. Little did I know that to you, I was an object, one that could be formed into whatever you wanted. Little did I know how disgusting you are.
Thank you, for teaching me never to disregard my mother's words, ever again.
However, you took things from me that I can't ever get back. You hurt me physically and mentally in ways I thought could never occur in my life. You made me ashamed of myself. You took advantage of the fact that I trusted you enough to be my friend. There are no amount of words that can express to you the sleepless nights you have caused or the questioning you have allowed Satan to place in my heart. You had the GALL to act as though nothing you did was wrong and then a month later to say that you knew what you did and that it was "not cool," which is the worst kind of understatement.
This isn't a second chance kind of opportunity for you, sir...and how dare you ask. You never had a first chance given...you took it. Stay away from me.
Sincerely,
Leah
Lord, help me to forgive as You forgive...remind me that even though I have hatred in my heart, You do not and You love him despite the things he has done. Help me to move on, as I know I will never, ever forget.
Friends, I realize this post is mostly frightening to you as you imagine what I might have gone through. Know that I'm okay, God is in control, and even though bad things happen, I'm His child. I'll be okay. Know that.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Hold Me Jesus...
Sometimes, I'm okay. Then, it hits me like a brick. My Dad is dead. I'm never going to see him again as long as I live on this earth. I'll never receive the comfort that only a daddy can provide his little girl. It's the little things. Like seeing my nieces and nephew knowing how much joy they would bring him. Seeing sweet Ellie, with her fiery personality, knowing she'll never know her Paw-Paw, from whom she got those beautiful blue eyes. How my Mom has no one to share her moments with anymore and how it hurts her more than she lets on and more than I could ever imagine. There are days when I don't want to get out of bed because of the crippling pain this causes. Yes. It has been almost three years (in August) but no matter how much time passes, it still hurts. A lot.
I miss him more than any amount of words I could write or say. I'll never understand why he was taken from me so soon. I won't pretend like I don't still ask God why. But, I know this- God is faithful. He is my comfort in times of weakness and in my weakness He is made strong. I am certainly weak right now- but it is well. My Dad is with Jesus. He's happier and healthier than he ever could have been on this earth. I miss him, and I'll miss him forever. The beautiful thing is that I don't have to understand why. God holds me in his hands. Tonight, I ask that he hold me a little tighter.
I miss him more than any amount of words I could write or say. I'll never understand why he was taken from me so soon. I won't pretend like I don't still ask God why. But, I know this- God is faithful. He is my comfort in times of weakness and in my weakness He is made strong. I am certainly weak right now- but it is well. My Dad is with Jesus. He's happier and healthier than he ever could have been on this earth. I miss him, and I'll miss him forever. The beautiful thing is that I don't have to understand why. God holds me in his hands. Tonight, I ask that he hold me a little tighter.
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