Facebook has BLOWN UP over the past few days with Invisible Children's new awareness campaign, KONY 2012. I have been an avid supporter of Invisible Children since I watched their original documentary on my campus at University of Alabama...I don't remember what year, but it was their first year of being an actual organization. They aren't perfect but they are acting. They are doing what we are called to do in caring for the least of these. Lots of people are criticizing them, questioning their finances and their partnership with the Ugandan government. They make it clear that they do not give money to the government and they have their spending report on their website...it's not like they're trying to deceive people as to where their money goes, and whoever threw the 84% figure out there that apparently goes to staff was incredibly inaccurate.
I get that people want us to take care of "our own." But, I object to this as a Christian. Don't misunderstand me, I don't object to taking care of those that need it in America. At the same time, we have resources here that are unimagineable to people in Uganda and Central Africa. And, this organization is not funded by our government, so the objections that "we" should spend the money here is unfounded...because unless you're donating, it's not "your" money. And furthermore, Jesus said this:
“Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’ Then they also will answer, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?’ Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’ And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”
Matthew 25:41-26
No, I'm not saying in any way, shape, or form that you are condemned to hell if you don't support Invisible Children. I know there are people who don't support Invisible Children but do support grassroots efforts in Uganda working toward the same goal...again, not saying everyone has or should have a passion for Africa or the situation with Kony. But every Christian should have a passion for people, especially those who cannot act for themselves for whatever reason.
I AM saying that Jesus did not have America in mind specifically when He told this story. I don't believe He meant for us to only worry with our nation when talking about this type of compassion. I believe He was referring to people...everywhere. I think it's incredibly one-sided to say we should care for our own and they should care for their own. They have no capability of doing that. I saw one comment that their parents and government must not care enough to do anything. The problem is, these children have been made to murder their families...and their government is pretty corrupt as well. I think the president should definitely have to answer for the fact that Kony has gotten away with this for over 20 years...but the first step needs to be to stop Kony.
These children...they are the least of these...and they are my heart. I will not change my mind about supporting Invisible Children. I will continue to help those here as well, and I'm not wrong for that. I believe I'm fulfilling my duty as a Christian. And, my friend Kevin wisely pointed out today that if we wait for the perfect charity to do something, nothing is ever going to happen...anywhere.
KONY 2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Why?
I find myself seeking clarity often. I know people probably think I sound like a toddler when I'm constantly asking why, but I believe that every action should have reason behind it...otherwise, WHY do it?
For instance, I've been at my current job a year. I've been moved to another area for one month now, and have already gotten into a groove. I've gotten to know my team and if I don't know what to do in a situation am completely comfortable asking my fellow social worker on the unit what she would do. So, why did my new supervisor decide last Friday that starting Monday, I'd have to go over my patient list EVERY DAY with another social worker as a form of "orientation?" I immediately thought perhaps I had done something wrong, but have been assured by my co-workers that this is not the case, and my supervisor says the same. I'm doing my job effectively and in a timely manner, so why suddenly do I need extra "training?" My co-worker, who is quite a bit older than me, and much, much wiser (she has kids my age) told me that I have to stop asking why so much...and that sometimes there really isn't a good reason. She told me to stop doubting myself. Oh to do that, sweet lady.
That takes me to my next point. I've felt distanced from some people since I've begun placing my opinion out there...really being honest about the way that I feel Christianity is today and how I wish it was. I was slightly fearful of sharing my heart on it all. What I don't understand in this situation, again, is why? Why can't I express the way that I feel, the way that I believe the Lord has led me to live my life? Just because I express that everyone should have equal rights, love, does not mean that I've signed to the list supporting things that the Lord defines as sin. Make no mistake, as I've said before, I know what sin is. I know what the Lord says about sin. But, I also know I sin too...and God doesn't view sin in levels...sin is sin. Frankly, I'm GLAD that the Lord doesn't see things the way that we do. Otherwise, He'd kick all of us off His list, because no sin is worse than another to Him. I mean, what is the criteria for us to decide what sin is not so bad and what sin merits a person being considered LESS than that?
It hurts my heart that I can't put my opinion/feelings/thoughts/rants out there without my faith being questioned...without my ability to understand the Lord and the Gospel being on trial. I don't want people I love to hold poor opinions of me because I'm most passionate about loving people. I almost wish I had never said anything. But just almost. I can't apologize for my heart, my passion, or my view of what Jesus would do in America today. I just really wish I could understand why people take it so personally, since after all, I just want to see a Christian culture that loves like Jesus. All the time.
Until next time, friends...
For instance, I've been at my current job a year. I've been moved to another area for one month now, and have already gotten into a groove. I've gotten to know my team and if I don't know what to do in a situation am completely comfortable asking my fellow social worker on the unit what she would do. So, why did my new supervisor decide last Friday that starting Monday, I'd have to go over my patient list EVERY DAY with another social worker as a form of "orientation?" I immediately thought perhaps I had done something wrong, but have been assured by my co-workers that this is not the case, and my supervisor says the same. I'm doing my job effectively and in a timely manner, so why suddenly do I need extra "training?" My co-worker, who is quite a bit older than me, and much, much wiser (she has kids my age) told me that I have to stop asking why so much...and that sometimes there really isn't a good reason. She told me to stop doubting myself. Oh to do that, sweet lady.
That takes me to my next point. I've felt distanced from some people since I've begun placing my opinion out there...really being honest about the way that I feel Christianity is today and how I wish it was. I was slightly fearful of sharing my heart on it all. What I don't understand in this situation, again, is why? Why can't I express the way that I feel, the way that I believe the Lord has led me to live my life? Just because I express that everyone should have equal rights, love, does not mean that I've signed to the list supporting things that the Lord defines as sin. Make no mistake, as I've said before, I know what sin is. I know what the Lord says about sin. But, I also know I sin too...and God doesn't view sin in levels...sin is sin. Frankly, I'm GLAD that the Lord doesn't see things the way that we do. Otherwise, He'd kick all of us off His list, because no sin is worse than another to Him. I mean, what is the criteria for us to decide what sin is not so bad and what sin merits a person being considered LESS than that?
It hurts my heart that I can't put my opinion/feelings/thoughts/rants out there without my faith being questioned...without my ability to understand the Lord and the Gospel being on trial. I don't want people I love to hold poor opinions of me because I'm most passionate about loving people. I almost wish I had never said anything. But just almost. I can't apologize for my heart, my passion, or my view of what Jesus would do in America today. I just really wish I could understand why people take it so personally, since after all, I just want to see a Christian culture that loves like Jesus. All the time.
Until next time, friends...
Monday, March 5, 2012
Jesus was a Revolutionary
Take a deep breath, self...breathe...breathe. I don't know if anyone reads this, as I only have a few followers on my actual blog...but I do post the link to my facebook for everyone to read, so sometimes it makes me really nervous to share how I truly feel because I come from such a conservative place, and have a whole lot of super conservative friends and family that might take things I say as a personal attack. I NEVER want things that I say to make people feel singled out. This is just something that has been on my heart and mind lately with all the crazy going on in the political world. If you think I'm talking to you, that's totally on you, because I write this from my heart with no one particular person in mind...except all the politicians and news people that cannot seem to stop saying really crazy things.
Jesus was not a conservative man. He probably wouldn't be a republican in today's America. Gasp! Also, this is not me implying he would be a democrat, either. He would probably hate politics...
I know what you guys are thinking. "Leah has become a bleeding heart liberal...Leah has "fallen away"...we just need to love her back to where she needs to be..."
Bear in mind while reading this, that I do believe in sin, and I do have beliefs on the big issues according to the Bible, which I believe to be the infallible word of God. However, that is not my point right now. My point is for Christians to try to look through the eyes of our Lord...at the person, not how they choose to live. I strive to look at people...not their choices. I know that I forget at times that I cannot expect people to make decisions the same way that I would because not everyone believes what I do. My world would be super small if I surrounded myself only with people I agree with and that agree with me. I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm very imperfect, in fact. I judge people when they speak poorly, I say way too many snide things about clothes that people wear, I'm the MOST stubborn individual, I have a hard time admitting when I'm wrong, I gossip, I argue even when I know I'm wrong, I am horrible at asking forgiveness, I lock my doors when people walk by my car if I'm at a stoplight in the government housing section of Birmingham, as if everyone there will rob me, and I could go on, but this isn't about me. I say all that to ensure that my readers know I'm not preaching at you guys...I'm just as much at fault as any other person.
I'm not liberal. I'm not conservative. I'm not libertarian. I'm not democratic. I'm not republican. I don't know what I am, but I try to be reasonable. My heart bleeds...but not because I feel sorry for everyone. I believe in social justice. I believe with my whole heart Jesus fought for social justice, and against injustice, and that I should too. People not having equal rights hurts my heart. Jesus commanded us to go to the "least of these." He called for us to take special care of the poor, the widow, the hungry, the unloveable. He spoke to women in public places when that kind of thing was unheard of. He dined with those shunned by society. He touched those that were unclean...and in that society, HIS society, that made Him unclean...He wasn't even supposed to walk on the same side of the street as them. He walked with those that people hated (even when people could see Him.) He called people out on what they were doing wrong, called religious leaders out on their legalism, and didn't apologize for that, but also didn't stop loving them because of those things. Peter denied that he knew Jesus THREE times before Jesus DIED for him and Jesus STILL died for him. Do you HONESTLY think, if you were to sit down and think about it, your own prejudice aside, that Jesus wouldn't do that very same thing today, reach out to the "scrubs" of society? Can you even think that way? Can you put your own prejudice aside and view people the way that He would?
I feel like all of these sentences should start with "I believe" because He didn't personally tell me these things, so pardon the redundancy.
I believe Jesus would not look at a man and think "Oh he's gay," and not talk to him because of that. I believe He would not protest on the side of the road disguising His cries of hatred as "love" for girls that are walking into an abortion clinic. I believe He would not stop talking to someone that was an alcoholic. I believe He would not shun someone in church if they weren't dressed the right way. I believe He would not try to take someone's freedom to CHOOSE whether or not they'll follow Him. I believe He WOULD walk alongside that man and share His love with him, while listening to what he has to say so that he would in turn listen to Him. I believe He wouldn't care what people said if they saw them talking, because He cared about people, not appearances. I believe He WOULD be there for those that are hurting because of a choice that they made, whether or not He agreed with that choice, and offer love, offer everything He could give. I believe He WOULD be the person to drive that someone home if they found themselves in a situation where they had too much to drink. I believe He wouldn't care what people thought when they saw His car parked outside a bar at 4 in the morning. I believe He WOULD sit by that strangely dressed visitor, and probably take them out to lunch afterward. Finally, I believe He WOULD openly share that He is the way, but that it must be chosen and that He has given people the ability to choose. What is love if it's not real, after all?
Don't misunderstand me. I know Jesus was clear about what was sin and what was not. He did not, however, stop seeing the person. I believe that is our biggest problem today. We see people's choices; past, present, and future, and stop seeing THEM. We take away people's rights because of their choices...sometimes not even their choices, but how can we do that? What makes one person okay to decide what another person can or can't do? It's not okay.
I find myself flabbergasted at the prejudice in our society. I know it's naive but I cannot grasp how the color of someone's skin immediately defines them. How a girl with a short haircut is automatically labeled "butch." How an accent can suddenly make someone unintelligent. How the way someone is dressed defines who they are before they ever say a word. What is going on here? Jesus, fully God and fully man, walked the earth a vagabond. He was homeless. He most likely smelled bad, was dirty, and had a whole bunch of men who looked similar following Him, calling Him the Messiah. People probably thought He was CRAZY!! He came to this earth in a humble form, which I believe was the point. It's not about how you look...we're all human. We're all imperfect. We disagree. Why does that make those that disagree with us bad? Those that are different from us abnormal? Have we really come as far as we like to think we have in this country? This IS 2012, right? Why do people have to fight for rights? Why did women have to fight to vote?...black people have to fight to drink from the same water fountain as white people?...why are people STILL fighting for equality? What group is going to be next to have to prove their worth to have a voice? Why is this necessary? Why can't all humans be treated like humans, period? I have probably said this a thousand times in this post alone, but who gets to decide what person deserves more than any other person? I mean, I believe the Lord can make that kind of decision, but I don't think any PERSON should get to make that call.
I'm not better than anyone because I'm a Christian. I can't choose for someone whether or not they follow Christ. I CAN be clear about who I am and what I believe, and I can do that without demeaning someone. I can absolutely express what I believe to be sin without making a person feel worthless. I can express that I think someone is wrong without making them feel small. I refuse to not love someone because they choose not to follow Christ...and I will take every opportunity that I have to share Him with people, and I won't give up; sometimes people choose to follow Him because of the Holy Spirit using me as an instrument...sometimes they don't. That's something I cannot control...all I can control is my faithfulness to spread the gospel, which I strive to do whenever I'm given the opportunity. I LOVE Jesus with all my heart, and of course I want people to choose Him. But, if I'm judging them at every corner, how will I ever have an opportunity to share that love and how real it is in my life and the way that it has changed me? I won't. I love God. I love people. I don't really see how you can be a Christian without loving...people. No descriptions...just people.
Jesus was not a conservative man. He probably wouldn't be a republican in today's America. Gasp! Also, this is not me implying he would be a democrat, either. He would probably hate politics...
I know what you guys are thinking. "Leah has become a bleeding heart liberal...Leah has "fallen away"...we just need to love her back to where she needs to be..."
Bear in mind while reading this, that I do believe in sin, and I do have beliefs on the big issues according to the Bible, which I believe to be the infallible word of God. However, that is not my point right now. My point is for Christians to try to look through the eyes of our Lord...at the person, not how they choose to live. I strive to look at people...not their choices. I know that I forget at times that I cannot expect people to make decisions the same way that I would because not everyone believes what I do. My world would be super small if I surrounded myself only with people I agree with and that agree with me. I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm very imperfect, in fact. I judge people when they speak poorly, I say way too many snide things about clothes that people wear, I'm the MOST stubborn individual, I have a hard time admitting when I'm wrong, I gossip, I argue even when I know I'm wrong, I am horrible at asking forgiveness, I lock my doors when people walk by my car if I'm at a stoplight in the government housing section of Birmingham, as if everyone there will rob me, and I could go on, but this isn't about me. I say all that to ensure that my readers know I'm not preaching at you guys...I'm just as much at fault as any other person.
I'm not liberal. I'm not conservative. I'm not libertarian. I'm not democratic. I'm not republican. I don't know what I am, but I try to be reasonable. My heart bleeds...but not because I feel sorry for everyone. I believe in social justice. I believe with my whole heart Jesus fought for social justice, and against injustice, and that I should too. People not having equal rights hurts my heart. Jesus commanded us to go to the "least of these." He called for us to take special care of the poor, the widow, the hungry, the unloveable. He spoke to women in public places when that kind of thing was unheard of. He dined with those shunned by society. He touched those that were unclean...and in that society, HIS society, that made Him unclean...He wasn't even supposed to walk on the same side of the street as them. He walked with those that people hated (even when people could see Him.) He called people out on what they were doing wrong, called religious leaders out on their legalism, and didn't apologize for that, but also didn't stop loving them because of those things. Peter denied that he knew Jesus THREE times before Jesus DIED for him and Jesus STILL died for him. Do you HONESTLY think, if you were to sit down and think about it, your own prejudice aside, that Jesus wouldn't do that very same thing today, reach out to the "scrubs" of society? Can you even think that way? Can you put your own prejudice aside and view people the way that He would?
I feel like all of these sentences should start with "I believe" because He didn't personally tell me these things, so pardon the redundancy.
I believe Jesus would not look at a man and think "Oh he's gay," and not talk to him because of that. I believe He would not protest on the side of the road disguising His cries of hatred as "love" for girls that are walking into an abortion clinic. I believe He would not stop talking to someone that was an alcoholic. I believe He would not shun someone in church if they weren't dressed the right way. I believe He would not try to take someone's freedom to CHOOSE whether or not they'll follow Him. I believe He WOULD walk alongside that man and share His love with him, while listening to what he has to say so that he would in turn listen to Him. I believe He wouldn't care what people said if they saw them talking, because He cared about people, not appearances. I believe He WOULD be there for those that are hurting because of a choice that they made, whether or not He agreed with that choice, and offer love, offer everything He could give. I believe He WOULD be the person to drive that someone home if they found themselves in a situation where they had too much to drink. I believe He wouldn't care what people thought when they saw His car parked outside a bar at 4 in the morning. I believe He WOULD sit by that strangely dressed visitor, and probably take them out to lunch afterward. Finally, I believe He WOULD openly share that He is the way, but that it must be chosen and that He has given people the ability to choose. What is love if it's not real, after all?
Don't misunderstand me. I know Jesus was clear about what was sin and what was not. He did not, however, stop seeing the person. I believe that is our biggest problem today. We see people's choices; past, present, and future, and stop seeing THEM. We take away people's rights because of their choices...sometimes not even their choices, but how can we do that? What makes one person okay to decide what another person can or can't do? It's not okay.
I find myself flabbergasted at the prejudice in our society. I know it's naive but I cannot grasp how the color of someone's skin immediately defines them. How a girl with a short haircut is automatically labeled "butch." How an accent can suddenly make someone unintelligent. How the way someone is dressed defines who they are before they ever say a word. What is going on here? Jesus, fully God and fully man, walked the earth a vagabond. He was homeless. He most likely smelled bad, was dirty, and had a whole bunch of men who looked similar following Him, calling Him the Messiah. People probably thought He was CRAZY!! He came to this earth in a humble form, which I believe was the point. It's not about how you look...we're all human. We're all imperfect. We disagree. Why does that make those that disagree with us bad? Those that are different from us abnormal? Have we really come as far as we like to think we have in this country? This IS 2012, right? Why do people have to fight for rights? Why did women have to fight to vote?...black people have to fight to drink from the same water fountain as white people?...why are people STILL fighting for equality? What group is going to be next to have to prove their worth to have a voice? Why is this necessary? Why can't all humans be treated like humans, period? I have probably said this a thousand times in this post alone, but who gets to decide what person deserves more than any other person? I mean, I believe the Lord can make that kind of decision, but I don't think any PERSON should get to make that call.
I'm not better than anyone because I'm a Christian. I can't choose for someone whether or not they follow Christ. I CAN be clear about who I am and what I believe, and I can do that without demeaning someone. I can absolutely express what I believe to be sin without making a person feel worthless. I can express that I think someone is wrong without making them feel small. I refuse to not love someone because they choose not to follow Christ...and I will take every opportunity that I have to share Him with people, and I won't give up; sometimes people choose to follow Him because of the Holy Spirit using me as an instrument...sometimes they don't. That's something I cannot control...all I can control is my faithfulness to spread the gospel, which I strive to do whenever I'm given the opportunity. I LOVE Jesus with all my heart, and of course I want people to choose Him. But, if I'm judging them at every corner, how will I ever have an opportunity to share that love and how real it is in my life and the way that it has changed me? I won't. I love God. I love people. I don't really see how you can be a Christian without loving...people. No descriptions...just people.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
He didn't want it this way...
Last night, I posted a concern I had on facebook regarding Rick Santorum and his alleged desire to declare a national religion, with that religion being Christianity. I wasn't speaking out against him, but seeking clarity AND saying that if it was true, it scared me. I am a devout Christian. I love Jesus. I don't think I've ever been anything but clear about that. BUT, I don't support declaring America anything but America. We're already predominantly Christian, but that doesn't make it official to the point where laws can be imposed like it would be if it were declared. I know that many think that I'm being ridiculous when I say that to declare a national religion is dangerous; and that I'm being dramatic likening it to the situation in Iran and many other nations. I know that it would not start off this way...but eventually it would lead to deaths, slavery, and basically revert back to the 19th century.
I stand, unashamedly, to say that Jesus would NOT have wanted it this way. He loved people that NO ONE else loved. He spent His time with thieves, liars, and those that were viewed as unclean by the established religion of that time- Judaism. He fought against the legalism of that established religion and spoke in stories to help people understand the message He was trying to teach. He healed the sick, made the blind see. He DIED because He stood for something that was viewed as blasphemy. He never once forced anyone to love Him, to declare Him as the Lord. I firmly believe that He would maintain this in America, today. He would look with sorrowful eyes the way that His word is manipulated by political agenda. He would hurt for those in other nations that are being persecuted and murdered for their choices. He would plead with America not to allow that kind of thing to happen here.
I do not think that I am wrong in saying this. Of course I want everyone to hear and understand and accept the gospel. I strive to live my life daily to be an example for that same gospel. I live a quiet existence, and try to show people the love of Christ in the way that I live. I build relationships with people and am open and honest about my devotion to Christ. I find that it opens people up to hear what I have to say if I first listen.
My intention in asking about Santorum on my facebook was not to rock the boat, or start an argument, or see my loved ones get into a "my brain is bigger, you're wrong and stupid" kind of debate. I believe firmly that I can be the Christian that I am and still say that I believe that this nation should not have a declared national religion. I don't want to see ANYONE die for what they believe. Sharing the love of Christ with someone will be impossible if their choice to walk away from it gets them killed.
He would not have wanted it this way.
I stand, unashamedly, to say that Jesus would NOT have wanted it this way. He loved people that NO ONE else loved. He spent His time with thieves, liars, and those that were viewed as unclean by the established religion of that time- Judaism. He fought against the legalism of that established religion and spoke in stories to help people understand the message He was trying to teach. He healed the sick, made the blind see. He DIED because He stood for something that was viewed as blasphemy. He never once forced anyone to love Him, to declare Him as the Lord. I firmly believe that He would maintain this in America, today. He would look with sorrowful eyes the way that His word is manipulated by political agenda. He would hurt for those in other nations that are being persecuted and murdered for their choices. He would plead with America not to allow that kind of thing to happen here.
I do not think that I am wrong in saying this. Of course I want everyone to hear and understand and accept the gospel. I strive to live my life daily to be an example for that same gospel. I live a quiet existence, and try to show people the love of Christ in the way that I live. I build relationships with people and am open and honest about my devotion to Christ. I find that it opens people up to hear what I have to say if I first listen.
My intention in asking about Santorum on my facebook was not to rock the boat, or start an argument, or see my loved ones get into a "my brain is bigger, you're wrong and stupid" kind of debate. I believe firmly that I can be the Christian that I am and still say that I believe that this nation should not have a declared national religion. I don't want to see ANYONE die for what they believe. Sharing the love of Christ with someone will be impossible if their choice to walk away from it gets them killed.
He would not have wanted it this way.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
What A Beautiful Mess
“There is something beautiful about a billion stars held steady by a God who knows what He is doing. (They hang there, the stars, like notes on a page of music, free-form verse, silent mysteries swirling in the blue like jazz.) And as I lay there, it occurred to me that God is up there somewhere. Of course, I had always known He was, but this time I felt it, I realized it, the way a person realizes they are hungry or thirsty. The knowledge of God seeped out of my brain and into my heart. I imagined Him looking down on this earth, half angry because His beloved mankind had cheated on Him, had committed adultery, and yet hopelessly in love with her, drunk with love for her.”
- Donald Miller
- Donald Miller
I find myself in a "woe is me" state often, living away from home, not knowing that many people, and being extremely busy...waaa, waaa, waaaa. Who am I to have that attitude? I am nothing but a speck of dust on the vast playbook of eternity and I have to stop worrying about the things I want and start being thankful for the things I have. I must begin to passionately seek the Lord on a daily basis. I want to pursue excellence in all that I do. I want to enjoy living here, enjoy my job, and enjoy the possibility of new fellowship with new believers, and also the possiblity of rekindling new friendships with people that I know from back in college who have recently re-emerged in my life. I am blessed beyond belief with a roof over my head, never lacking in the things I need or really even the things I want, I have a job in this horrid economy, I am able to attend school, and I have WONDERFUL family and friends. I get so lost in me, me, me that I forget to acknowledge these things. I have the grace and mercy of the creator of the universe given to me every day and a passionate heart that he gave me to spread love to those who don't get it. These things are something to be excited about!!
Frankly, I lack discipline. I make these great big plans of how I will spend my day every day, what I will do and in what time frame. But, when it comes time to actually do the things I commit myself to, I find a way to NOT do it. For instance, I set a bed time so that I can get up early in the mornings before leaving to read my bible. But, I'll end up watching a re-run of some TV show that doesn't mean anything and staying up too late. Or, I'll commit to studying over the weekend but will find ANYTHING to do instead. This has to stop. I have to regain my ability to be disciplined in both my daily life and in my walk with the Lord. I don't want my lack of discipline lately to begin to reflect in my school work or at my job. Now friends, it takes a lot for me to admit a weakness because of that silly sin pride, but I've been told in my weakness He is made strong, so I guess I'm planning on allowing Him to be super strong:). Hey, after all, my God is so BIG, so STRONG, and so MIGHTY, there's nothing my God cannot do!
Lord, I thank you that YOU are what I'm supposed to talk about. That at the end of the day, nothing else matters but You. Thank You that no matter what I do or how far I stray, You will help me back and clean off my bloody knees that I skinned up crawling back to you through the messes that I make. Help me, Lord. Help me in my unbelief- in my lack of faith that You will take care of me. Thank You for the blessed assurance that You have my life in Your hands, that You have ordained my life and my future, and You have it all planned for my good. Thank You for making me, a disaster by my own hand, into a beautiful disaster. Here am I, Lord.
Welcome to my life, friends.
Friday, September 2, 2011
I'm not ready to make nice.
Forgive, sounds good...forget, I'm not sure I could. They say time heals everything, but I'm still waiting.
I have a new life. I have moved on, no doubt about it. But, who do you think you are...no sir, I will not ever talk to you again. I meant it when I said that. I am happy. I am free. I am learning to love again and let people in, and you will not ruin that. It's like that song by good ole T. Swift- "Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone tonight. Well, I stopped picking up and this song is to let you know why.......You'll add my name to your long list of traitors who don't understand, and I'll look back and regret how I ignored when they said run as fast as you can.......I took your matches before fire could catch me so don't look now; I'm shining like fireworks over your sad, empty town."
I recognize those are random lines from the song patched together but those are the ones that stick out to me as characteristic of that time of my life. I allowed a person to dictate the way that I felt. I walked on egg shells. I apologized for things that happened when I was the one who deserved the apologies. It blows my mind to look back on that time to see how much of a shell of Leah I was. I'm sure it horrified my mom and brothers. I was broken...bruised...beaten down. The life in my eyes and behind my smile was gone. So, no, sir...you will not call me and try to talk to me, or text me, or contact me at all. I have moved on from you. I'm happy. I'm where the Lord wants me to be with the right people...ones who build me up and don't tear me down. Sure, I've forgiven you. But, that's it. You don't get anything else from me. Thank the sweet Lord for helping me release all of that when I did. He's good like that.
"I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons,
Finally content with a past I regret.
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness,
For once I'm at peace with myself.
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long.
I'm moving on.
I'm moving on,
At last I can see, life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know, there's no guarantees but I'm not alone.
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by.
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone!" RF
I have a new life. I have moved on, no doubt about it. But, who do you think you are...no sir, I will not ever talk to you again. I meant it when I said that. I am happy. I am free. I am learning to love again and let people in, and you will not ruin that. It's like that song by good ole T. Swift- "Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone tonight. Well, I stopped picking up and this song is to let you know why.......You'll add my name to your long list of traitors who don't understand, and I'll look back and regret how I ignored when they said run as fast as you can.......I took your matches before fire could catch me so don't look now; I'm shining like fireworks over your sad, empty town."
I recognize those are random lines from the song patched together but those are the ones that stick out to me as characteristic of that time of my life. I allowed a person to dictate the way that I felt. I walked on egg shells. I apologized for things that happened when I was the one who deserved the apologies. It blows my mind to look back on that time to see how much of a shell of Leah I was. I'm sure it horrified my mom and brothers. I was broken...bruised...beaten down. The life in my eyes and behind my smile was gone. So, no, sir...you will not call me and try to talk to me, or text me, or contact me at all. I have moved on from you. I'm happy. I'm where the Lord wants me to be with the right people...ones who build me up and don't tear me down. Sure, I've forgiven you. But, that's it. You don't get anything else from me. Thank the sweet Lord for helping me release all of that when I did. He's good like that.
"I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons,
Finally content with a past I regret.
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness,
For once I'm at peace with myself.
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long.
I'm moving on.
I'm moving on,
At last I can see, life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know, there's no guarantees but I'm not alone.
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by.
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone!" RF
Saturday, August 27, 2011
So small...
I was listening to my "Country Women" playlist tonight, don't hate, on my way home to see my family from work. Since today is my actual birthday something just felt wrong not coming home to see my Mom. Anyways, I digress. I was listening to Carrie Underwood's song "So Small." It's a great song, and I find it to be true, like many songs I listen to, in my daily life. A snippet that hit me pretty hard tonight:
"It's so easy to get lost inside a problem that seems so big at the time; it's like a river that's so wide, it swallows you whole. While you're sitting 'round thinking 'bout what you can't change and worrying about all the wrong things; time's flying by, moving so fast. You better make it count cause you can't get it back. Sometimes, that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand. And what you've been out there searching for forever is in your hand. And when you figure out love is all that matters after all, it sure makes everything else seem so small!"
I mean, seriously, it's amazing how a simple song can carry so much weight and hit so close to home. My dad used to always tell me, "If you can change it, change it. If you can't, don't worry about it. No use wasting that pretty smile on a frown, or that wrinkling that pretty forehead. One thing at a time, baby." He knew me better than anyone in moments like that, because he could see that I had taken the weight of the world on my shoulders, quite literally. I get lost in problems more often than I would like to admit; my own and others'. I have a fickle heart. I run from people that make me want to stay for fear of rejection down the road. I have small faith. I have seen the Lord work miracles in my life and my friends' lives time and time again, yet I still have the ability to freak out about things. How does that make Him feel? To constantly prove Himself to be faithful to take care of me only to have me doubt the next time around? What's amazing is that He loves me...and He takes care of me, even when He knows I'm full of doubt; that He has to help me in my unbelief. My friends love me. My family loves me. In one day, I had a new friend call me amazing, another dear old friend tell me that I'm a vessel of grace and peace, another still tell me I had a fierce heart, and still another tell me that I deserved a wonderful birthday because I had a caring and giving heart. It's AMAZING to me that people see these things in me- that I am such a mess and yet am incredibly loved! I am humbled by that love, and sure do hope to make my friends feel as good as they make me feel. I am so, so blessed. I am who I am because of the people that I'm blessed to know and love through the grace of Jesus Christ...each and every one of you. Thank you loves.
"It's so easy to get lost inside a problem that seems so big at the time; it's like a river that's so wide, it swallows you whole. While you're sitting 'round thinking 'bout what you can't change and worrying about all the wrong things; time's flying by, moving so fast. You better make it count cause you can't get it back. Sometimes, that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand. And what you've been out there searching for forever is in your hand. And when you figure out love is all that matters after all, it sure makes everything else seem so small!"
I mean, seriously, it's amazing how a simple song can carry so much weight and hit so close to home. My dad used to always tell me, "If you can change it, change it. If you can't, don't worry about it. No use wasting that pretty smile on a frown, or that wrinkling that pretty forehead. One thing at a time, baby." He knew me better than anyone in moments like that, because he could see that I had taken the weight of the world on my shoulders, quite literally. I get lost in problems more often than I would like to admit; my own and others'. I have a fickle heart. I run from people that make me want to stay for fear of rejection down the road. I have small faith. I have seen the Lord work miracles in my life and my friends' lives time and time again, yet I still have the ability to freak out about things. How does that make Him feel? To constantly prove Himself to be faithful to take care of me only to have me doubt the next time around? What's amazing is that He loves me...and He takes care of me, even when He knows I'm full of doubt; that He has to help me in my unbelief. My friends love me. My family loves me. In one day, I had a new friend call me amazing, another dear old friend tell me that I'm a vessel of grace and peace, another still tell me I had a fierce heart, and still another tell me that I deserved a wonderful birthday because I had a caring and giving heart. It's AMAZING to me that people see these things in me- that I am such a mess and yet am incredibly loved! I am humbled by that love, and sure do hope to make my friends feel as good as they make me feel. I am so, so blessed. I am who I am because of the people that I'm blessed to know and love through the grace of Jesus Christ...each and every one of you. Thank you loves.
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