Why?

I find myself seeking clarity often. I know people probably think I sound like a toddler when I'm constantly asking why, but I believe that every action should have reason behind it...otherwise, WHY do it?

For instance, I've been at my current job a year. I've been moved to another area for one month now, and have already gotten into a groove. I've gotten to know my team and if I don't know what to do in a situation am completely comfortable asking my fellow social worker on the unit what she would do. So, why did my new supervisor decide last Friday that starting Monday, I'd have to go over my patient list EVERY DAY with another social worker as a form of "orientation?" I immediately thought perhaps I had done something wrong, but have been assured by my co-workers that this is not the case, and my supervisor says the same. I'm doing my job effectively and in a timely manner, so why suddenly do I need extra "training?" My co-worker, who is quite a bit older than me, and much, much wiser (she has kids my age) told me that I have to stop asking why so much...and that sometimes there really isn't a good reason. She told me to stop doubting myself. Oh to do that, sweet lady.

That takes me to my next point. I've felt distanced from some people since I've begun placing my opinion out there...really being honest about the way that I feel Christianity is today and how I wish it was. I was slightly fearful of sharing my heart on it all. What I don't understand in this situation, again, is why? Why can't I express the way that I feel, the way that I believe the Lord has led me to live my life? Just because I express that everyone should have equal rights, love, does not mean that I've signed to the list supporting things that the Lord defines as sin. Make no mistake, as I've said before, I know what sin is. I know what the Lord says about sin. But, I also know I sin too...and God doesn't view sin in levels...sin is sin. Frankly, I'm GLAD that the Lord doesn't see things the way that we do. Otherwise, He'd kick all of us off His list, because no sin is worse than another to Him. I mean, what is the criteria for us to decide what sin is not so bad and what sin merits a person being considered LESS than that?

It hurts my heart that I can't put my opinion/feelings/thoughts/rants out there without my faith being questioned...without my ability to understand the Lord and the Gospel being on trial. I don't want people I love to hold poor opinions of me because I'm most passionate about loving people. I almost wish I had never said anything. But just almost. I can't apologize for my heart, my passion, or my view of what Jesus would do in America today. I just really wish I could understand why people take it so personally, since after all, I just want to see a Christian culture that loves like Jesus. All the time.

Until next time, friends...