What A Beautiful Mess

“There is something beautiful about a billion stars held steady by a God who knows what He is doing. (They hang there, the stars, like notes on a page of music, free-form verse, silent mysteries swirling in the blue like jazz.) And as I lay there, it occurred to me that God is up there somewhere. Of course, I had always known He was, but this time I felt it, I realized it, the way a person realizes they are hungry or thirsty. The knowledge of God seeped out of my brain and into my heart. I imagined Him looking down on this earth, half angry because His beloved mankind had cheated on Him, had committed adultery, and yet hopelessly in love with her, drunk with love for her.”
- Donald Miller

 

I find myself in a "woe is me" state often, living away from home, not knowing that many people, and being extremely busy...waaa, waaa, waaaa. Who am I to have that attitude? I am nothing but a speck of dust on the vast playbook of eternity and I have to stop worrying about the things I want and start being thankful for the things I have. I must begin to passionately seek the Lord on a daily basis. I want to pursue excellence in all that I do. I want to enjoy living here, enjoy my job, and enjoy the possibility of new fellowship with new believers, and also the possiblity of rekindling new friendships with people that I know from back in college who have recently re-emerged in my life. I am blessed beyond belief with a roof over my head, never lacking in the things I need or really even the things I want, I have a job in this horrid economy, I am able to attend school, and I have WONDERFUL family and friends. I get so lost in me, me, me that I forget to acknowledge these things. I have the grace and mercy of the creator of the universe given to me every day and a passionate heart that he gave me to spread love to those who don't get it. These things are something to be excited about!!

 

Frankly, I lack discipline. I make these great big plans of how I will spend my day every day, what I will do and in what time frame. But, when it comes time to actually do the things I commit myself to, I find a way to NOT do it. For instance, I set a bed time so that I can get up early in the mornings before leaving to read my bible. But, I'll end up watching a re-run of some TV show that doesn't mean anything and staying up too late. Or, I'll commit to studying over the weekend but will find ANYTHING to do instead. This has to stop. I have to regain my ability to be disciplined in both my daily life and in my walk with the Lord. I don't want my lack of discipline lately to begin to reflect in my school work or at my job. Now friends, it takes a lot for me to admit a weakness because of that silly sin pride, but I've been told in my weakness He is made strong, so I guess I'm planning on allowing Him to be super strong:). Hey, after all, my God is so BIG, so STRONG, and so MIGHTY, there's nothing my God cannot do!

 

Lord, I thank you that YOU are what I'm supposed to talk about. That at the end of the day, nothing else matters but You. Thank You that no matter what I do or how far I stray, You will help me back and clean off my bloody knees that I skinned up crawling back to you through the messes that I make. Help me, Lord. Help me in my unbelief- in my lack of faith that You will take care of me. Thank You for the blessed assurance that You have my life in Your hands, that You have ordained my life and my future, and You have it all planned for my good. Thank You for making me, a disaster by my own hand, into a beautiful disaster. Here am I, Lord.

 

Welcome to my life, friends.