Ramblings

I was trying to explain to a friend of mine the path I'm on and why I was considering not doing anything medical anymore after insisting that I knew that was what I was supposed to do. I realized, he probably thought I was incredibly flighty, but received what I was saying with such grace, and it got me thinking. I think it's funny how much my plans change, and I think that friends chuckle at my lack of commitment to a plan. Of course, they would never tell me that. I'm sure some people, especially those close to me, get the urge to say "MAKE UP YOUR MIND CRAZY GIRL! SETTLE DOWN! DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT TO BE AND DO AND STICK TO IT!!!!!!!" I'm thankful for the grace that I've received from my friends and family in listening to me and encouraging me each time I change my plan. That's the thing, though. It keeps being MY plan. It's NEVER going to work when it's my plan. I've been praying through and trying to figure out where God wants me- what he wants from my life. What I have come to conclude, is that he wants me to seek him- every day. Every hour. Every minute. Yes, cliche as it is, every SECOND. I am no longer seeking a new career as a nurse. Or a physical therapist. There is a reason I changed to social work in the first place from pre-med my freshman year, and it was because I love people. I'm NOT saying medical people don't love people, obviously they do. But, my kind of love is different in that I love to love on people exactly where they are, whatever their injuries are, whatever their situation is. I love helping them, talking with them, helping them figure things out, and mostly, LOVING on them. I really have lost sight of that in the shuffle of everyday work. I get frustrated and am so easily doubtful of people and their intentions. I know some of that is growing up, and some of it is good to discern whether or not a person is trying to take advantage of me. But, my purpose in life is to be there and help these people (in whatever setting that may be).
I do believe, however, that I have a bigger calling on my life. I'm not really 100% sure what that is at this point, and I believe that my changing career paths via school over and over again has been my way of delaying or running away from it. I have to start seeking God's wants for me, and not my wants. I have to stop worrying about the future and live right now. I ask that you guys come alongside me and pray for me when you think about it. I'm on a journey. I'm trying to be less flight risk, more committal. We'll see how it goes!
Love you guys:).